Heart go -->splat!<--
Dear Daniel of liartown,b.i.t.c.h- my heart is broken!
I have dumped you for your best friend!
brainy, intelligent, totally cool hottie
you are the tastiest thing in the restaurant. by far.
if you are hawt, i recommend against dining at my work! this is because, when you come in, i will make a mental note that you are hawt, and then ignore you for the rest of the night.
in this way, i ensure that you will think i am a bad waiter, and not the perverted bad waiter i am in reality.
mhuhahahahaha.
enjoy your meal. i didn't do anything to it.
in this way, i ensure that you will think i am a bad waiter, and not the perverted bad waiter i am in reality.
mhuhahahahaha.
enjoy your meal. i didn't do anything to it.
amor vincit omnia
as the title states so eloquently in italian "love conquers all". its true that when chaucer penned these immortal words, he was making a statement about the power of love.
now the question begs, how do we read this statement? unlike most three word statements, i can see more than one meaning presenting itself.
does it suggest that love is an unstoppable force, that nothing can stand in the way of two people who are in love? that love will find a way, for no obstacle is too great for true love to prevail? knowing that someone loves you and cares about you more than they care about themselves can give you a feeling of immortality. does it suggest that love will always win out, people ultimately finding themselves joyful and loved?
or does it suggest a darker truth? that we are all slaves to love, destined to be defeated, conquered, if you will, be this unstoppable force? whether it is trying to live up to an idea of love that doesn't exist or staring across a room at a person you care for, knowing your feelings will never be returned; i think most of us have been subjugated by love.
now i pose another question, how do you, reader of this somewhat odd and self indulgent article, interpret this relatively simple statement? it could say alot about you, the way you think, the way you in fact, love.
so, dear reader, what are your thoughts on this matter. for memories and feelings are the tapestries that cover the unyielding walls of our subconscious; tell me the hue of your favoured thread and i will in turn tell you the cast of your soul.
now the question begs, how do we read this statement? unlike most three word statements, i can see more than one meaning presenting itself.
does it suggest that love is an unstoppable force, that nothing can stand in the way of two people who are in love? that love will find a way, for no obstacle is too great for true love to prevail? knowing that someone loves you and cares about you more than they care about themselves can give you a feeling of immortality. does it suggest that love will always win out, people ultimately finding themselves joyful and loved?
or does it suggest a darker truth? that we are all slaves to love, destined to be defeated, conquered, if you will, be this unstoppable force? whether it is trying to live up to an idea of love that doesn't exist or staring across a room at a person you care for, knowing your feelings will never be returned; i think most of us have been subjugated by love.
now i pose another question, how do you, reader of this somewhat odd and self indulgent article, interpret this relatively simple statement? it could say alot about you, the way you think, the way you in fact, love.
so, dear reader, what are your thoughts on this matter. for memories and feelings are the tapestries that cover the unyielding walls of our subconscious; tell me the hue of your favoured thread and i will in turn tell you the cast of your soul.
tropical queensland
Already the mail is flowing in.
I hope you all get malaria.
dear daniel at liar town,Thank-you for your informative note bb! I never liked your show anyway- your paradoxes are much better.
our viewers have voted you out of the house, because your perfection is irritating.
hugs and kisses,
big brother
I hope you all get malaria.
a romantic evening in a car i'll never forget
no joke this was actually in my message box
i was all excited until i realised this was from a car and not a girl. its also a little scary to think that cars are now capable of connecting to the internet, writing emails and having emotions
ps this message did really exist, on that note, plagiarism is delicious, thank you to the original writer. whatever you may be.
dear andrew of liartown
when are you going to ask me out? maybe you could buy me? i thought we had a good time together, do you like me?
unnamed sports car
i was all excited until i realised this was from a car and not a girl. its also a little scary to think that cars are now capable of connecting to the internet, writing emails and having emotions
ps this message did really exist, on that note, plagiarism is delicious, thank you to the original writer. whatever you may be.
It's Delicate
Dear Jack,
My friend is cutting himself. It's a cry for help. He cuts himself but he doesn't tell anyone anything but I know because I've seen the marks on the insides of his arms. What do I do?
- Friend In Pain
free diesel
only one email for me this week
well kcc you guys certainly know how to abuse the public's trust dont you?
i was gonna write a big long post about how there are old people camped out on my lawn but i wont now, just to spite you. i think i will just concentrate on the fact that i got a tank full of diesel payed for by someone else.
you don't need to know the specifics, suffice to say you should be happy for me. if your not...well i cant do anything about that; you are a bad person and i cant be held responsible if the cosmos deals you some bad karma.
on a side note, i had a free donut today. donuts are usually delicious, they taste less delicious if your hands, and by extension your donut are covered in smelly, bad tasting and highly flammable diesel. In hind sight i should have just set the donut on fire despite the risk of also setting fire to my precious hands. i think it would have been worth it...because now i have a tummy ache.
dear white trash
we have been informed that you have a camper van parked on your front lawn. please remove it or we will arrest you under the anti terrorism act
thank you for your consideration
knox city council
well kcc you guys certainly know how to abuse the public's trust dont you?
i was gonna write a big long post about how there are old people camped out on my lawn but i wont now, just to spite you. i think i will just concentrate on the fact that i got a tank full of diesel payed for by someone else.
you don't need to know the specifics, suffice to say you should be happy for me. if your not...well i cant do anything about that; you are a bad person and i cant be held responsible if the cosmos deals you some bad karma.
on a side note, i had a free donut today. donuts are usually delicious, they taste less delicious if your hands, and by extension your donut are covered in smelly, bad tasting and highly flammable diesel. In hind sight i should have just set the donut on fire despite the risk of also setting fire to my precious hands. i think it would have been worth it...because now i have a tummy ache.
hey jack, waste my time
hey jack,well niga *cough*,
what does the name 'jack' actually come from? what does it mean?
- nominally investigative garden association
I looked up the name 'jack' and it actually means, "totally awesome in bed".
ladies, if you're reading, call me. all this pure uncompromising smoothness can be yours if you decide to take me to dinner and pay for the joint cab ride back to your place.
jokes aside, i did head down to my local library and put spend an hour or so burning the books. amidst the smouldering pages and screams of human torment i found a "origin of names" book that says that 'jack' derives from the old middle english 'jaourquek'. 'jaour' meaning absolutely, all-encompassing or totally. and 'quek' from the root 'quekare' meaning 'awesome in bed'.
i couldn't read the rest of the book because someone had ripped it apart and fashioned it into an ad-hoc tourniquet to tend to the wounded. i decided to untie my red bathrobe and retire to my quarters for an early afternoon round of martinis.
everyone else is doing it
i recieved a mysterious email the other day
well aol your letter presents me with three problems.
the first involves me talking to my myself, i keep telling myself i should stop doing it, but i dont remember writing this email so maybe i shouldn't be blaming myself.
the second problem is that this letter could be from a future version of me. the post script hints at this and i am left wondering if starting my own blog is the only way to save the world.
this brings us to problem number three. i will admit that i do like a good rant, i like to read them, i like to give them. people often tell me i should start a blog. the question is: would i have enough material to do it on a regular basis? factor in my chronic disinterest in the affairs of humanity, my sub-par spelling and my fingers that always type 'teh' whenever i try to type 'the' and you have a pretty good case against it.
however it would give me a sense of achievement to beat two of my friends, studds and fay, to the creation of a blog. it would also give me a forum to speak my mind without having to write, or have my imaginary future self write, imaginary emails.
Well i guess the final answer to your question crazy/future aol is this: i'll think about it
ps in a true act of self sabotage (and to see how many people read my post) i want all you readers out there to put your suggestion for my blog name in the comments section, lets see if we can break the strangely apt record of three comments set when jack talked about threesomes. if i dont get any comments i may just call it whybothernooneisgoingtoreaditanywayithinkillgocryinmyattic.blogspot.com
andrew of liartown
dear andrew of liartown
will you ever stat your own blog? i found your one post witty and insightful
p.s. be careful of universe destroying paradoxes
from andrew of liartown
well aol your letter presents me with three problems.
the first involves me talking to my myself, i keep telling myself i should stop doing it, but i dont remember writing this email so maybe i shouldn't be blaming myself.
the second problem is that this letter could be from a future version of me. the post script hints at this and i am left wondering if starting my own blog is the only way to save the world.
this brings us to problem number three. i will admit that i do like a good rant, i like to read them, i like to give them. people often tell me i should start a blog. the question is: would i have enough material to do it on a regular basis? factor in my chronic disinterest in the affairs of humanity, my sub-par spelling and my fingers that always type 'teh' whenever i try to type 'the' and you have a pretty good case against it.
however it would give me a sense of achievement to beat two of my friends, studds and fay, to the creation of a blog. it would also give me a forum to speak my mind without having to write, or have my imaginary future self write, imaginary emails.
Well i guess the final answer to your question crazy/future aol is this: i'll think about it
ps in a true act of self sabotage (and to see how many people read my post) i want all you readers out there to put your suggestion for my blog name in the comments section, lets see if we can break the strangely apt record of three comments set when jack talked about threesomes. if i dont get any comments i may just call it whybothernooneisgoingtoreaditanywayithinkillgocryinmyattic.blogspot.com
andrew of liartown