Lachlan : Hummel Gets the Rockets

I greet you today, my most cherished reader-base, at the crisis point of our age. The letter:

Dear Lachlan of Liartown,

Retired General Frank Hummel just stole some chemical weapons and some missiles, and has camped out on Alcatraz threatening to kill millions of people if he doesn't get his way. How can I, personally, resolve this situation?

Please Hurry,

Dr. Stanley Goodspeed
Well Stanley, that's quite a conundrum. You know what I'd do? I'd go straight to the CIA, and get them to hand over John Patrick Mason, because that guy is the fucking shit, man. Seriously though, that's not the letter. Here is the letter:

Dear Lachlan of Leotards

Why do you waste my time with these posts about the msn? Tell me where is the leotards! I need them for my exercise!

I Am Fat!
Well IAF, firstly, if you had have sent a better letter, I wouldn't have had to draw people in with that Frank Hummel story. Secondly, I don't deal in Leotards anymore, not since my stash mysteriously disappeared around the same time that Andrew was shipped off in a crate full prostitutes. No, the leotards didn't come back, and i'm certainly not going to look for them. Jack keeps a leotard though, I've seen it in his closet, but I can't give you that one either, it has a big yellow sign on it that says "do not touch - needed for 'personal use'. Jack"

So, everyone, the moral of the story? John Patrick Mason.

Comments:

Blogger Jack 1:26 am, May 16, 2006  
I said Leo Pard. It's a pard, not a tard. I keep it to shoo away the moths that try to eat my clothes.
Blogger andrew 12:09 am, May 19, 2006  
i was gonna write a joke about how its better to have leotards in your closet than retards in your closet. but i thought it was a little too well...wrong.
now that this isnt the top post anymore i dont have to fear your recriminations and judgements.
im secretly hoping nobody reads this.
Blogger Lachlan 1:43 am, May 19, 2006  
you should have just commented the retard one. it would have been something. something to not forget.

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